“There was a young rustic named Mallory, who drew but a very small salary. When he went to a show, his purse made him go to a seat in the uppermost gallery. Tune, wont you come to Limerick.”

–St John Daily News (New Brunswick), 30 Nov. 1880.

Ah, the limerick. That sultry, nonsensical stanza of silliness that we have all come to know and love. It has been a great joy to provide so many happy customers with limericks that have enhanced their lives by about 5,000% for the low, low price of just $4, and I am enthused to continue to write these hilarious gems. I have been impressed by the large volume of limericks requested (over 300 limericks sold already!), yet an unanswered challenge lies in waiting for the brave soul who attempts to surmount it. I am curious to see who the champion is that will take on what is possibly the greatest feat of 2012: purchasing the Unlimited Limericks for Life plan.

While it is perfectly fine to buy just one limerick for $4, or perhaps get the best deal in the world by getting 3 limericks for $10, I think it would be rather grand if some limerick lover (or lover of donating to good causes like adventure education or themoth.org because 5% of all limerick proceeds go to that charitable organization and 100% of limerick proceeds go to fostering good will on this planet) captures the Holy Grail of limerick legends, that which is the Unlimited Limericks for Life plan (a plan that means you can summon limericks from me for your entire life or until you get limerick overload and never want to see one again! And you also get perks like I throw in a Haiku every once in awhile). The Limericks for Life plan is great because think about it: you relinquish 1,000 of your dollars just once, and in return you get more than ONE MILLION laughs over the course of a lifetime (remember – you get about 3,000 laughs per limerick). I’m no mathematical wizard but GADZOOKS that seems like a good deal!

I am SO curious about the first buyer of this plan that – on top of the unlimited limericks for life which is the best thing ever already – I will also be awarding them the Limerick Medal of Honor, which has never been given out in the history of the world, so that’s a pretty big deal. This buyer can choose to remain anonymous, which is respectable, or they can come forth and have all the glory and get their picture taken with me and the Limerick Medal.

And so the gauntlet is set! The choice is yours: go down in history as a purchaser of one limerick (which is actually a GREAT option and I recommend it for most of you out there because one limerick goes a long way towards laughter and Costa Rica!), or go down in limerick history as the most epic limerick legend person in the universe. WHICH PATH WILL YOU CHOOSE.

Learn more about limerick origins and history here. Participate in this fantastical limerick challenge by mailing $1,000 here: Kathryn Vogel, PO Box 381, Circle Pines, MN 55014. Or hold off on the Unlimited Plan (which seems silly, given that it’s such a great deal, but whatever) and get a bargain of a $4 personalized limerick by emailing kvogel.esq@gmail, tweeting @vogelian, or mailing to the PO Box above. And a Very Merry Vogel to you!