VERY MERRY VOGEL
Very Merry Vogel Limericks cordially welcomes you to the limerick party of the century, where you can get a custom limerick for just $5!
Very Merry Vogel is a words-for-sale business where I write you your very own personalized holiday or special event limerick (witty poem) that you can send to a loved one or boss or landlady or professor or co-worker or nephew or friend or whatever. Maybe words or wit aren’t your strong suit, or maybe you don’t care enough about this person to write something for them yourself. Whatever the case may be, Very Merry Vogel is here for you!
Simply send me the name of the recipient, the sentiment (thank you, Merry Christmas, I love you, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy belated Thanksgiving, Let’s play dreidel, Sorry the rent is late and it will probably be late next month too, You are pretty, Have a nice day, Thinking of you, Sorry for partying, etc – Very Merry Vogel caters to all holidays, birthdays, anything you want!), and their relationship to you and I will send you a hilarious limerick within 5 business days (for an extra $5, rush orders with a 24 hour turnaround can of course be completed). For $5 extra I will hand draw a hilarious cartoon to accompany the limerick. For $5 I will put the hilarious limerick and cartoon on a fancy card and send it to the person of your choice! (Cost varies depending on proximity of recipient to Minnesota; sending a small envelope to Boston costs less than Siberia, for example, but please don’t let that discourage you from sending mail to Siberia, it is lovely this time of year). Send me photos and I will include those in the card, or I could even create you a website displaying the card for a few extra dollars! How’s THAT for service!
Here is an example of a limerick request I might receive: “Hi Katie, it’s Robert, I want a card for my grandson, Jay, that says ‘Hope you look as good as me when you’re 70.’ Thanks!” I would then email Robert this gem:
“For My Grandson”
My grandson you may indeed be,
But alas, we don’t match in beauty,
My hope for you, Jay,
Is that one day you may,
Look smokin’ hot at age 70 like me!
- 1 limerick – $5
- 2 limericks – $10
- 5 limericks – $25
- Unlimited limericks for life – $1,000,000
- Rush order (24 hours) – $5
- Witty cartoon – $5
- Pretty card – probably $5
- Other services – Can be arranged. Email me firstname.lastname@example.org .
Sample orders: One limerick ($5) on beautiful card ($5) = $10 (shipping is included in price, mostly likely.) One limerick ($5) with one witty cartoon ($5) emailed to recipient within 24 hours of order confirmation ($5) = $15. Simply one limerick emailed to recipient within 5 business days = $5. Simply limericks for life = $1,000,000.
Very Merry Vogel is very customizable so any message you have or thing you want to do (like maybe you want me to sing it to them on their doorstep on Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day) I can probably do that too.
Reiteration: this is a hilarious service and is pretty priceless (but actually costs $5 per limerick) and the poems are 100% unique and these prices are a steal so buy now before the rates go up next month!
Also the money goes to a good cause: laughter, holiday joy, my education, the environment and the world! Are you for these causes? Great! Buy some limericks. Are you against these causes? Interesting! Buy some limericks.
So buying one limerick goes a long way, but of course you should buy like 30 of them! And apart from sending money places, limericks spread joy between people, which is what holidays are all about and stuff. You may also feel moved to perhaps buy one limerick but then donate like $100 (or $10, whatever) without wanting more limericks and that is fine too. Email me at email@example.com or tweet me @vogelian to get your limerick! Payment by cash (send it by mail! How exciting!), personal check, or if you’re local or passing through the great city of Minneapolis, I come to your door and get it, or you come to my door and I take it. Also I travel a lot so chances are we will be crossing paths soon. Email me your schedule and we’ll set up a time for an exchange. A rendezvous, how amusing!
Looking forward to doing business with you soon. Also feel free to invite that special someone to visit this site or tell them to email me. That way we can all share in this joyful enterprise. Or don’t share it. Whatever.
So in conclusion, spread joy, laugh a lot, save the world, buy a limerick.
Some samples of some limericks from Very Merry Vogel:
“My Christmas Wish”
(written for a friend who was slightly disgruntled with her housemates)
I’m sorry for yelling at you,
But there are some things you could do,
To make true all my wishes,
Simply do all your dishes!
And then take out the trash, too.
“Ode to Finance 372”
(written for a University of Minnesota professor to share with his class)
At semester’s end, we are all weary,
But for finance, we must persevere cheerily,
For the love of presentations,
We’ll cease our lamentations,
Cash is King! Let us worship him merrily.
“Thoughts on Supporting Katie Vogel’s Quest for Becoming an Aquatic Outdoor Educator”
(written for you to send to people so they know why it is a great idea to buy limericks)
This merry season gives us pause,
To spread joy and support a great cause,
Like buying a poem,
So Katie Vogel can roam,
And lead a deap-sea quest for Jaws!
And a Very Merry Vogel to You!