Well, I must say, I thoroughly enjoyed 2011 (year of the Rabbit, for those of you keeping track). Launching my career as a freelance limerick writer, surviving 21 days in a canoe with Aaron Birr and Henry David, learning how to play the harmonica – to what could I possibly attribute these grand successes? Let me tell you, it was my 2011 New Year’s Resolutions. December 2010, I carefully crafted these goals and worked diligently throughout the year to hold fast to them. They were:

1. Have fun.
2. I don’t remember the second one.
3. Always adjust my glasses in this fashion.* See photo.

I am proud to say that I stuck to these resolutions all year long (especially 1 and 3). It makes me feel so good to have accomplished my goals that I have decided to craft some gems for the year of 2012. Here they are, as follows:

1. Have fun.
2. Use crazy straws more often.
3. Switch from regular-fat mayo to low-fat mayo and from sugar-free syrup to sugar-full syrup.

Aside from being logical and consistent, I believe these resolutions will both help to save the environment (carry around a crazy straw in your purse, no need to use those cheap, disposable ones they give you in restaurants!) and help me become a healthier and happier human. I invite you to share your resolutions with The Bureau, even if you think you may not stick to them all year. May your flaws inspire the rest of us to mediocrity. Happy almost 2012!